Home?

I didn’t think it would be this difficult. I thought it just happened. You worked, you lived, you moved and eventually you stumbled upon it – home. The place you want to be. The place you feel safe. The place you feel you. The place that feels like home. It is a feeling, more than a physical place. It’s a washing over with comfort and safety. A protective hug, but not from a person, from a space.  It’s like returning to the womb, but it’s out in the world. Exposed, yet it feels secure. It fits you like it was made for you, and holds you like you should never leave. Not just the place, but everything about the place – the space surrounding, the beings that inhabit the environment, the air, it’s where you belong. In biology we are so concerned about the living conditions for creatures to live and thrive, down to the latitude, the longitude, the altitude. This is where this being will be at its best, do its best, “live its best life”. Don’t ask the bison to raise their young in the tropics. Don’t transplant the alligator to the alps and expect it to take up skiing. But humans. We have different expectations for humans. Humans are adaptable.

We can change. We can live anywhere. We can do anything. We can be whatever we want to be and do it wherever we want to do it. Because humans can. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. I can live anywhere: hot, cold, high, low, east, west. But I don’t want to be just anywhere. I want to be somewhere. I want to be home. I’ve been silently, passively, searching for a home, without traveling too far, or trying too hard, or employing any sort of tools or apparatus to aid in this search, but always knowing I wasn’t home. I didn’t try too hard or look too hard because I didn’t think I had to. I didn’t see anyone else doing that. I didn’t know home was a result that required effort. I thought it just came to you one day, and you ended up home. I want a home, not just a place to store my things or lay my head at night, and occasionally during the day. A place that makes me feel I can stay awhile, get comfortable, feel safe, feel me. A place that doesn’t make me want to think “should I be somewhere else?” A place that makes me wish I was never anywhere else. A place that knows I couldn’t be anywhere else but there. I want to be right where I belong.

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