Lazy Shade of Winter

If I had it my way, I wouldn’t wake up until noon, every day. It’s the perfect time of day when you start to feel extremely guilty for still sleeping and still being in bed, but you haven’t completely wasted the day. There’s still sunlight. Morning officially ends at noon and all morning-type activities should cease as well. So wake up! No more sleeping, no more eating eggs, no more coffee, but wait, I will gladly eat eggs and toast at any time of day. I will drink coffee morning, noon, night, and too-late-at-night. I refuse to let the clock dictate my activities, which is why I have no problem sleeping until noon on my days off. Sure, it’s met with a fair amount of guilt and a laundry list of things I should have been doing instead of sleeping, which frankly is usually just laundry. I want to sleep until noon on all of my days, off and on. I’m not trying to not have a job, just one that maybe starts between 1-3pm.

I’ve never had the luxury of a job that allows me to sleep until noon and still live the semblance of a normal life. Although I’ve had jobs with an array of start times: midnight, 3am, 4am, 6am, 8:30isham, 11am, etc.  Bartenders get away with sleeping until noon if they work the night shift; other bar and restaurant employees working dinner get a pass as well. But even when I was working as a line cook, possessing a 4pm-11pm shift I had a “day job” that prevented me from sleeping until noon. I truly believe I would be my most productive and happiest self if I was allowed to wake up at noon-ish, make coffee, eat breakfast and go about my day without being bother by the hours on the clock. The structure of my work schedule today does not allow that, but I hope to get to a time (afternoon preferably) in my life where that is possible. I’m close. I’m in the industry of the bartenders who start their after-work activities at 3am. I’m in the same buildings as the people who start shifts in the evening, but I’m in the wrong position. Management doesn’t get to be lazy. But why not? I just want to have a shifted sleep schedule and I don’t want to be judged for it. It’s these types of life goals that when presented to others are looked upon as lazy, but I’m not lazy. I’m just living in the wrong time-zone, perpetually.

I’m not suggesting I turn in for the night at 12am and remain in bed until 12pm (except sometimes). I’m not trying to sleep half the day, although if that’s on the table, I’m listening, with eyes closed. If I was regularly allowed to sleep until noon I imagine by new “bedtime” would be around 3-4am, which would mean I was engaging in a recommended, healthy number of hours of sleep. How can you call an individual sleeping 8 hours a night/morning lazy? With the snobby confidence of an early-riser, that’s how. Even if you tell someone you didn’t go to sleep until 3/4am, waking up at or around noon is still frowned upon. Those “late-sleepers” and “sleeper-in-ers” are judged and deemed lazy. I don’t agree. I may be lazy but my sleep schedule isn’t what makes me lazy.

We gladly adjust our clocks bi-annually for a farming tradition which has since lost relevance. It’s time we adjust our clocks annually for the sake of my mistaken inner clock. I know I’m not alone. Brunch isn’t popular because all those people actually like Eggs Benedict. Mimosas are good but let’s be honest, you’d rather drink champagne just. It’s because for one day of the week we get to break the “no eggs after noon” rule. Except I don’t, because I’ll be working.

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